Most people, myself included, make several attempts to quit gambling on their own before seeking out help. In this episode, I discuss the benefits of having a support system and share a few examples of how a support system has helped myself and others with our gambling problem.
Hey there, and welcome to the Gambling Still Sucks podcast. My name is Jamie. I am a compulsive gambler, and I’m also the host of this show. The last time I gambled is still July 15th of 2010.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve been very fortunate in that I’ve been able to be a support system for some of the folks in my GA group. What I mean by that is that I’ve had a few calls or texts, more so in the last couple of months than in the last seven or eight years combined. It’s been kind of an interesting experience and something that’s been very rewarding for me personally, but it also highlighted the importance of having a support system when you are in recovery. So today, I wanted to talk about that.
Another reason this topic has come up is that I continuously see people say, “Hey, I’m trying to do it on my own. I’m going to try it on my own first. If that fails, then I’ll try GA, or then I’ll tell my family.” I’m 100% guilty of this. I tried to quit on my own, and as you know, I was unsuccessful. I think I made it nine months before I relapsed and ended up just as bad as I was before within two or three days.
This really highlights the importance of having a support system. I’m very lucky now to have a good support system, from friends and family to my GA friends and family. And, of course, all of you listening—you’re part of my support system, which has been huge for me. Each episode I release makes my recovery so much easier. The more I share and the more I get out of my head, the easier recovery becomes. So thank you for being part of my recovery.
Back to the idea of trying to quit on your own: One of the people who reached out to me from my local GA group was someone who had been coming to meetings, but then they stopped attending. After some time, I received a text from them, which led to a call. They said, “Hey, I’m still doing well, I haven’t gambled, but I’ve noticed it keeps getting harder and harder.”
I think they knew in their heart that the problem was that they were no longer attending meetings and no longer had that support system and weekly check-in. I’m very happy they reached out because I really like this person—I like everyone who comes to the meetings—but I could see that things were starting to improve for them. That’s always the fear: that you feel a bit too good too soon, and you stop doing the things that were helping before they even have a chance to take hold.
Thankfully, they came back to the next meeting, and it was great to see them there again. It was also great to witness how important it is to have someone’s number to reach out to. Without my number or someone else’s from GA, I’m not sure if they would have resisted the urges as well as they did. When I spoke with them, it was clear that the urges were strong, and they said it was getting harder and harder. I think they realized that doing it alone was just too much to handle.
I’ve heard people say, “A problem shared is a problem halved,” and I think that’s very true. The isolation that comes with gambling addiction makes it stronger. If you’re listening to this and you haven’t been to GA, or haven’t told your significant other, friend, parent, or family member, I’d encourage you to take that step. Tear the band-aid off. Give it a try. Especially if things are starting to become more difficult and the urges are becoming stronger—take this as an example of what having someone to reach out to can do for you.
Having someone—anyone—on your side who you can reach out to and say, “Hey, I’m struggling, and I really don’t want to gamble, but I also really want to go” can make all the difference. Sometimes that’s all it takes—reaching out to someone who can talk you off the ledge and remind you of all the good things you have going on if you stay away from gambling.
The second part I wanted to discuss today is what goes on in our minds that makes us feel like we have to do it on our own. I think a lot of it is embarrassment—the social stigma of admitting you have a problem, especially a money problem like gambling. But there’s something deeper there too. I see it a lot in conversations, and I remember feeling it myself: this need to slay the dragon on your own. Gambling had such a grip on me, and I felt that the only way to truly overcome it was to beat it myself, without help.
We want to feel stronger, empowered over our addiction. We don’t want to use a crutch. We want to do it alone and prove to ourselves that we have control. But if that resonates with you, I’d encourage you to try something different. Tell someone, even just one person. Worst case scenario, it doesn’t go well and you decide not to tell anyone else. But I think you’ll find that when you tell one person, it leads to telling more people, and it gets easier and easier.
That connection to others becomes crucial when times are tough. Often, we feel like we have it all figured out—we think we’re fine, and then we don’t have a plan B for when things start to spiral. In my case, I thought I had it figured out after nine months, but I didn’t have that person to talk to when I started feeling the urge to play poker again. If I’d had someone to say, “Hey, I think this is starting to get out of control,” things could have been different.
So, to keep this episode short, I just want to emphasize how important having a support system is. If you haven’t told someone, at least have a plan. Write down on a note card who you will call or reach out to if you get to a certain point. Maybe even write down what you need to say. Create a contingency plan so that if things get tough, you know what action to take.
If you can tell a few people, it becomes easier and easier. I’ve said this before, but I think it’s so important: the opposite of addiction is connection. Creating connections with people who are on your side will make it easier for you to quit and stay quit.
Next week, we’re going to have another guest on the show. I’m looking forward to that—it’ll be recorded at the start of the week and ready for next Friday. I’m excited to share more stories. Thanks to everyone who’s reached out. I’m looking forward to getting those recorded so we can keep sharing.
And remember, gambling is a treatable disorder. This doesn’t have to be a life sentence. You can get over this; you just need to put in the work, take the steps, and take action. One of those actions, as we discussed today, is telling someone.
Lastly, please remember that this is for educational and informative purposes only. We are not doctors. I am not a doctor. Even if some of the guests may be lawyers, this is not legal advice. Please seek out the help of a professional for your legal, personal, or health-related issues. Gambling is serious, and you need professional help to make sure you get the best advice.
Music for the show is “Something Elated” by Broke for Free, licensed under the Creative Commons License.
Thanks for listening, and I will see you in the next episode.