GSS 017: Compulsive Behaviors & Addictive Personality: How Compulsive Behavior Impacts My Life

Full Episode Transcript

This is episode 17 of the Gambling Still Sucks podcast.
In this episode, I’ll discuss how my compulsive behaviors pop up in other areas of my life and the pros and cons of that.

Hey there, my name is Jamie. I am a compulsive gambler, and I’m also the host of this show.
The last time I gambled was July 15th of 2010.

So this is a cool episode. This is one that actually came up as a listener request. My good friend Duke, who’s on the Discord, actually sent me a message today. I’m recording this the day before Thursday. I normally have these recorded ahead of time, but I’ll be honest—I was kind of stumped and didn’t have anything. I have a lot of topics, but nothing was really hitting me. Plus, with my busy work schedule, I haven’t had anything prepared. But then this popped up, and it was great.

Duke said, “Hey, you mentioned before that you’re compulsive in other areas of your life.” He added that he could definitely relate to that and asked if I could do an episode on the topic. So thanks, Duke. This is a fast request and a quick turnaround for you, and I hope this helps.

As I mentioned, I do see my compulsive behavior pop up in other areas of my life. There are definitely some pros and cons to that. First, before I jump into the pros and cons, I want to touch on what I’ve discovered to be the foundation of my compulsive behaviors.

As I look back at my past, I’ve always been compulsive. I’ve also always been very competitive and had this need to do things perfectly—not just to the best of my ability, but actually perfectly. This goes back as far as I can remember. I don’t know exactly where this started. Maybe it was due to the environment I grew up in. We were definitely a competitive family, and we expected a lot out of each other and ourselves. That was the case for everyone in my family.

So maybe it was part of that environment, or maybe it’s just something we’re born with. I think there’s a possibility that some of us are just wired a little differently—that certain things trigger us and get us interested and engaged. That’s the foundation of my compulsive behaviors. They tend to be in things I’m extremely interested in or extremely engaged in. That mix of competitiveness and the need to do things perfectly or better than others combines to create this compulsive behavior in me.

To answer Duke’s question, what are some other areas that I struggle with my compulsiveness or my addictive personality? I’ll start by saying that I feel very fortunate that I haven’t had to seek out a 12-step program or similar programs for alcohol or drug addiction. I don’t have any of the “traditional” addictions outside of my gambling. Over the years, I’ve learned that many people who struggle with compulsive gambling have also struggled with other addictions, either before or after their gambling.

It’s like we’re wired a certain way. It’s very common to see people trade one addiction for another. I’m very mindful of that, and I think mindfulness has helped me avoid going down that path so far. But again, I have to always be on guard.

So I don’t have a traditional other addiction like drugs or alcohol. But the one thing I do struggle with, and it’s probably my number one struggle right now, is food. I really like food, and I tend to like food that’s not great for me. It’s something I’m very aware of—that I need to watch my intake and definitely need to lose a few pounds. I eat for comfort, and that’s not a good thing. That’s probably the one thing I’m working on this year and really need to dial in on before it gets too far out of control.

We’ve talked about the origins of my compulsive behaviors and some other addictions people may have. Now, let’s dive into the pros and cons of having compulsive behavior or perfectionism—the need to do everything perfectly or better than others.

Starting with the cons, this behavior can definitely weigh on you. Things are never going to be perfect. It’s something I must remind myself of. I don’t want to cut myself short and say, “Hey, you can’t aspire to do great things,” but I also need to be mindful that I’m not going to be perfect. I am going to fall short. It’s important to look back and recognize the progress I’ve made along the way. That’s something I try to do—check in with myself and say, “Wow, you’ve come this far.” It’s not naturally wired into me to do that. I tend to see all the bad things, all the shortcomings.

People often talk about this with social media. The common phrase, I believe, is that we see everyone else’s highlight films, while all we see are our blooper reels. That’s true, especially for those of us who struggle with perfectionism in this modern social media landscape. We see everyone else’s best moments, while all we see of ourselves are our mistakes. No one else even notices these shortcomings, but we dwell on them.

Another con is trying to take on too many things at once. I can absolutely wear myself down and reach the point where I feel completely zapped. One aspect of my compulsive behavior is the need to please people. I’m definitely a people-pleaser. When I’m asked to help with something, I feel a responsibility, a guilt, or a need to see it through because I value helping others. Once I agree to do something, my compulsive behavior won’t let me give it only 60%. It doesn’t let me say, “This is good enough.”

Working in marketing and advertising, where things are constantly evolving, projects are never truly done. It’s a challenge for me to let go and accept a certain level of completion, especially when helping others. I need to be mindful of how often I say yes. I’m not great at it, but I’m trying to get better at saying no to some things and eliminating some projects.

This podcast is a result of cutting off other projects. There were other projects I was very interested in, but I knew I couldn’t do them all. Compulsiveness wouldn’t allow me to juggle them. Trying to do too many things at once is tough for anyone, but it’s especially challenging for those of us with compulsive behaviors.

These tendencies can lead to exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed, anxiety, and even depression. I end up feeling like I’m not doing enough, which can weigh me down. That’s why it’s so important to take a step back, pat myself on the back, and give myself more credit.

On the flip side, there are also pros to having compulsive behaviors or an addictive personality. However, it requires a lot of awareness. I’m always learning more about myself and taking the approach of being both the scientist and the subject, as described in the book “Change Anything.” It’s about digging deep to figure out who I am and allow myself to do more of the right things.

When I focus on a task I’m passionate about, it can lead to positive outcomes. Gambling was a negative focus, but when I channel that compulsive behavior into something positive, it leads to great results. For example, I was a compulsive golfer. I practiced constantly, and it made me an excellent golfer. I had a close group of friends who were also into golf, and that dedication created strong relationships.

School was another example. My drive to be great pushed me to new heights. I remember doing flashcards in fourth grade and working tirelessly because I didn’t want anyone to beat me. That inner drive, when harnessed correctly and applied to positive pursuits, can be incredibly powerful.

Now, I take a step back more than I ever did in the past to make sure I’m not shortchanging other areas of my life. Balancing time for my family and work is especially challenging for me. Working from home adds another layer of difficulty because work is always so close. I’ve made a rule for myself not to work after hours, and that helps maintain a healthier balance.

Thanks to my compulsiveness, I’ve also taught myself many skills: web design, podcasting, graphic design, and more. My compulsive behavior pushes me to learn thoroughly and master these skills, and I’ve been able to add these as revenue streams for my business.

The key is making sure I’m pursuing positive things that won’t lead to regret. When I find myself driven to work from 8 PM to midnight on a project, I ask myself if it’s something I’ll regret. If the answer is yes, I try not to do it. It’s a constant balancing act—harnessing compulsiveness for good while avoiding potential negative outcomes.

So that’s my advice: study yourself. Understand your compulsive behaviors and figure out how to channel them into positive things. Fast forward into the future and ask yourself, “Is this something I’ll be proud of?” Awareness is the first step. It might not be perfect, but it can help turn what feels like a liability into an asset.

I hope this episode helps you, Duke, and anyone else listening. Compulsive behaviors and perfectionism can be beneficial or detrimental, depending on how we manage them. Study yourself, grow, and be open to learning along the way.

Outro and Important Information:

Now, before you go, I’d like to go over a few very important things.

First of all, problem gambling is a treatable disorder. There’s no scientific evidence suggesting that it’s a terminal condition. Recovery is real, and help is available.

Many states in the U.S. offer free counseling and therapy for gamblers and their families. You can call the hotline number at 1-800-522-4700, which is run by the National Council on Problem Gambling. This number works for all 50 states and can help guide you toward local resources. There are also hotlines available internationally—simply type in “gambling help” or “gambling hotline” in your web browser to find more information for your area.

In addition to the hotlines, there are online resources for gambling support. Visit gamblingstillsucks.com/help, where I’ll list some of these and add new resources as I find them.

Finally, a disclaimer: This podcast does not provide legal or medical advice. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or attorney—just someone who struggled with a gambling problem. Please seek professional help if needed. The information provided is for informational purposes only, and reliance on it is at your own risk.

The music for this podcast is “Something Elated” by Broke For Free, licensed under Creative Commons.