When I first tried to quit gambling, I took the willpower approach. I just wasn’t going to gamble again. Aside from making that declaration, I did nothing else to curb my addiction. It didn’t work. Now, I’m much more aware of the role willpower should play in my recovery as well as how to ensure my willpower tank is always full.
This is episode 15 of the Gambling Still Sucks podcast.
In this episode, we’ll discuss willpower and the role it should play in your recovery.
Hey there everyone, my name is Jamie. I am a compulsive gambler and I’m also the host of this show. The last time I gambled was July 15th of 2010.
One of my favorite podcasts that’s out right now is the Jordan Harbinger Show. If you haven’t listened to it already or subscribed to it, check it out. There’s a lot of self-help and kind of self-improvement information in Jordan’s podcast, and I think you’ll really enjoy it.
One of the recent topics that he covered was willpower, and he had a guest on to talk about different aspects of willpower, and this kind of prompted me to want to do one on willpower for our podcast.
So, when you talk to people that are just getting ready to quit—and I was one of these people a long time ago, before I was successful at quitting even—and when you ask me how I was going to quit, it was just cold turkey. I was just going to use willpower. I wasn’t going to fall kind of victim or prey to the same old habits and thinking that got me in trouble.
And so, I really didn’t have any other plan. It was just purely using willpower to say no when the urges came and to remember how bad the pain hurt. Unfortunately, as you might have guessed, willpower let me down time and time again. Willpower just isn’t a great thing. It’s not a great tool all in of itself.
I think as I’ve read about willpower and learned more about it over the years and heard other authors talk about it, it’s really started to make sense. I’ll share with you a few of the things that I really like and kind of descriptions of willpower.
One of the first ones—and there’s science to back this up, it’s been a couple different books—is that willpower is more like a muscle. It’s something that the more you use it, the more fatigued it becomes. It’s one of those things you have to give it rest; you can’t just rely on it to always be there.
Another author summed it up as saying, look, it’s a tank, it’s a renewable resource. You can build your willpower back up, but again, it’s not on will call. It’s not just there all the time. It’s not something you can draw upon over and over without giving it rest, but also, kind of in that tank analogy, refilling the tank.
I really like that analogy of the willpower tank. It seems to work for me. If you think about it with me, you have this tank full of willpower. The moment that you lose it all, that willpower tank, for whatever reason, gets filled back up because we have those negative emotions. We realize that we’re not going to be able to pay the bills that we need to pay, and all of the negative things fill that willpower tank up at that moment.
Unfortunately, over time, that willpower tank gets drained. Maybe the first couple of times, we just fight it off—the cold turkey approach to it. We just fight off those urges. But eventually, the urges come when our willpower tank is low.
That’s what I really want to stress to you today: the importance of keeping your willpower tank on full. Don’t let it get to halfway, don’t let it get to empty. We’ll discuss some of the ways that I do it, and I think a lot of these you already know. But when you start to connect the dots and think of it as filling your willpower tank throughout the week, that really seems to help me, and hopefully it will help you as well.
As you know that you’re listening to this, this is something I do weekly and sometimes a little more frequently than others. Some weeks I batch these together, but this is part of my recovery, and this is something that definitely fills up my willpower tank. Just doing the podcast alone, getting my message out there, and sharing my story with the world definitely renews my willpower tank.
When I go on and look at the stats, I’ve been blown away. I think we’re over 2100 downloads since this started just maybe six weeks ago, and that just blows me away. It’s shocking. That fills my willpower tank. Seeing that this is helping other people fills my willpower tank. Also, getting messages—the messages that I get from you are awesome. They fill my willpower tank. They help me know again that I’m doing something valuable, that it’s helping you, and that we’re all kind of rising up together.
If you can get over your gambling problem, then you can help the next person and pay it forward, just as I’m paying it forward for all the people that came before me. This podcast has definitely been one of those things that has really filled my willpower tank.
Along with the podcast, going on Reddit and reading other people’s stories—that’s something that I do daily. I go on, and I don’t always have time to comment, but I try to. Anytime I have 20-30 minutes, I go on, read the last five or six posts, and leave some kind of comment, encouragement, or share my story or the podcast, hoping it can help them.
Hearing other people’s struggles reminds me of the time I left the casino, or signed off online because I didn’t have any money left. It takes me back to that place, and that memory fills my willpower tank.
Then there’s the Discord chat. I check into it daily, to see if I can help others, share my story, or provide some guidance when they’re struggling. Again, that’s another thing that keeps me accountable. All of these things are keeping me accountable, and filling my willpower tank. I don’t let it get to the point where it’s empty; I don’t even let it get close to halfway. I’m constantly reminding myself of my reality without dwelling on it.
I know that’s probably really hard to do early on. I’ve read a lot of people recently focusing on the money aspect: “How do you ever get over the money aspect?” I know that’s tough, and some things just take time. Anything that you’re struggling with—first of all, give it some patience. Patience goes a long way.
The days do add up. Pretty soon, you’ll be at 30 days, then 90 days, and you’ll just be blown away. You’ll look back and say, “It couldn’t have been 30 days,” but it has. Or 60 or 90. So please, if that’s you right now and you’re struggling with that, just be patient. Give it some time. You didn’t get into this problem overnight, and it takes time to get out of it. Especially because we develop these habits that are easy to fall back into, and we have to do some reprogramming.
I’m going to do an upcoming podcast on the reprogramming of our brains and our thought processes, so look forward to that one in the next couple. But getting back to the willpower topic—I do the podcast, check in on Discord, check in on Reddit, and of course, I haven’t even covered the biggest one for me: I go to my GA meeting every week.
That’s a great way for me to check in and be accountable. I make the coffee beforehand, I unlock the doors, and there are people there who are relying on me. Ever since I got more involved, it’s made my recovery easier because there’s no question—I just need to be there.
All these things add up. It’s a daily thing. I’m not dwelling on it; in fact, it’s become a lot more freeing as I’ve gotten more involved in the community. I forgot to even mention Twitter. Twitter is another great place—read posts, connect. There are so many great blogs. Check out Andy from the UK; he has a YouTube channel where he goes live every Sunday night. If you haven’t seen it, go check out Andy’s stuff.
There are plenty of places to check in, and what I would encourage you to do is use each one of those and think of it as filling up your willpower tank. If you haven’t filled up your tank in a few days, know that that’s when you start to become vulnerable. That’s when slips happen, that’s when relapses happen, and that’s when those thoughts come.
When your willpower tank is full, it’s easy to resist thoughts like “I could drive to the casino,” or “I have extra money.” It’s easy to say no when that willpower tank is full. But it becomes really tough when it’s low.
If you’re listening to this and haven’t been to a GA meeting, I encourage you to go. Add the Discord to your phone or computer; it’s a great place. There’s a chat there, and a few groups that have people on pretty much around the clock. Check Reddit, check Twitter, read posts, respond, connect. All of these things help.
When you’re struggling, the more connections you have, the more likely you’ll reach out. I’ve had instances recently where people close to me have reached out on almost every platform—Reddit, Discord, GA—saying, “Hey, I’m struggling.” And by being on those platforms, it’s provided them with that connection, the opportunity to ask questions, or just say, “I’m having a crappy day.” And the moment we do that, everything starts to feel a lot better.
Again, think of it as a willpower tank. Don’t just rely on “I’m not going to do it because I’m not going to do it.” Trust me, I tried that method, and it’s a terrible method. You don’t want to repeat it because it’s the quick way to take a small problem and create a very big problem.
Keep filling that willpower tank. Keep it on full. The fuller your tank is, the easier it will be to resist the urges when they come.
Now, before you go, I’d like to go over a few very important things:
First of all, I think it’s important to remember that problem gambling is a treatable disorder. There’s no scientific evidence or study that suggests that this is a terminal condition, or that we’re going to be forced to deal with the negative side effects and results of our actions for the rest of our lives.
While I know it feels like something you’ll struggle with forever, science doesn’t back that up. Recovery is real, but we need to seek out treatment.
That brings me to point number two: help is available. Many states in the U.S. offer free counseling and therapy for not only gamblers but also family members. These programs are available. The best way to start finding out more is to call the hotline number: 1-800-522-4700.
Again, that’s 1-800-522-4700. This number is run by the National Council on Problem Gambling and covers all 50 states. They’ll have information and be able to guide you on seeking help in your area. These hotlines are available worldwide as well. Simply open a web browser, type in “Gambling Help” or “Gambling Hotline,” and you’ll find local resources.
In addition to hotlines, there are numerous places where you can find gambling support and information online. If you visit gamblingstillsucks.com/help, I’ll list some of these resources and continue adding more, whether they’re chat groups, forums, or other great information.
As a disclaimer, this podcast does not provide legal or medical advice. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or attorney—just a guy who had a gambling problem. We’ll discuss a lot of topics and I’ll provide insight into what worked for me, but please seek professional help. Visit a lawyer, doctor, or therapist to help deal with your gambling problem. The information we discuss is for informational purposes only and should not be taken as professional advice. Any reliance on information from the podcast is at your own risk.
The music for this podcast is Something Elated by Broke For Free, licensed under Creative Commons.