GSS 013: Dealing With The Financial Guilt of a Gambling Problem

Full Episode Transcript

This is episode 13 of the Gambling Still Sucks podcast. In this episode, we’ll discuss dealing with the guilt of financial issues caused by a gambling problem.

Hey there, everyone. My name is Jamie. I am a compulsive gambler, and I’m also the host of this show. The last day I gambled was July 15th of 2010.

One thing that I’ve struggled with throughout my recovery from my gambling problem is coming to grips with the financial fallout. Even after we stop gambling, it’s only then that we start to really address the financial pressures and problems we created for ourselves while gambling.

It’s only been in the last three or four months that I’ve truly come to grips with this. I don’t want to say I’m comfortable with it, but I’ve accepted the losses I’ve had and have kind of re-channeled my thought process on those losses. It’s really helped me to deal with it, so I wanted to share some of that with you today. I know this is an area people struggle with a lot—how to stop thinking about all the money and what could have been done with it.

We all know we can’t go back, and sometimes we have no idea what to do. Unfortunately, that often leads us back to gambling because we see it as the only way out financially.

I’ll go back a few months. I was listening to some other podcasts, and it got me thinking. I was struggling with the thought of still paying off debts that I created for myself a long time ago, even after seven and a half years of recovery. A lot of my debts are just stupid debts—things that should have been taken care of at the time, costing me no money or maybe $20-$30. But because I let them linger, I now have fees, interest, and years of financial burden that have cost me several thousand dollars each.

Looking back, I think, “How stupid was I?” All I had to do was fill out paperwork or pay a small fee, and I wouldn’t be facing a $3,000-$4,000 bill now. It was definitely a stupid tax, as Dave Ramsey says. And I’ve paid a heavy price for that stupid tax.

It’s so easy to get down on myself about it. Debt carries such a weight, and I’m sure you’ve experienced that too. As the debt slowly starts to go away, the weight starts to come off. I’m starting to feel that weight lifting, and I’m getting toward the end of my debt payments, which is awesome.

But it’s frustrating that I spent seven and a half years really struggling with this concept. So, I’ll share how my thought process has changed to help me find some freedom from those thoughts.

Before that shift, I had the same line of thought you’re probably struggling with right now. For me, it was about how much gambling cost me, what I could’ve done with that money, and the relationships affected. I once went through my bank records and credit card statements to calculate how much I spent on gambling. It turned out to be a six-figure amount—not because I had access to a lot of money, but because I was willing to take whatever I had and gamble it away.

The amount of money isn’t the point—it’s the toll it takes. I could’ve invested it back into my business, taken trips, bought a house. Instead, I lost it all playing poker. I thought about this for a long time, and it frustrated me.

Fast forward seven and a half years, I’ve been paying off debts, but I didn’t factor in all the other costs—fees, interests, the things that built up because I neglected them. Those extra expenses were almost equal to my poker losses, and when you add in the lost opportunities (like business growth or investments), the number grew even more.

I realized that not only did I lose at the table, but I lost the time, the opportunity to build a future, to be financially secure. I was left with the thought that my gambling cost me millions of dollars in lost potential. That was a rough realization.

But almost immediately, something shifted. I didn’t wallow in my sorrows for long. Instead, I started thinking differently. I always tell people that, in a weird way, I feel fortunate to have gone through what I did. I paid a significant price, but it gave me awareness that I can carry with me for the rest of my life.

I’ve learned so much about myself through these struggles. I’ve grown as a person. I’m a better husband, a better father, and just a better human being because of it. I’m not sure I would’ve gotten to this point without going through these hardships. It elevated me to a new level of personal performance, and now, in my mid-30s, I’m in a much better place.

So, when I take a step back, I see that yes, I had a huge financial loss. But the struggles I faced as a result have helped me grow, and I wouldn’t be the person I am now without them. The value of those life lessons makes it all worth it.

This different way of thinking helps me come to grips with the money aspect. Now, I don’t dwell on the money as much. I still think about it—I won’t lie—but it’s not the burden it used to be. The price I paid led me to this new perspective on life, and I wouldn’t change it.

I would change the impact it had on my family, though. The way it affected them is something I can’t fix—it’s part of our history. I’ve seen stats that say a compulsive gambler impacts 10 other lives. That was definitely true for me. My gambling affected around ten people closest to me.

Still, we have to see it as water under the bridge. We can’t look back too much, though it’s important to understand what we’ve been through and the price we’ve paid. We’ve paid the price of admission to reach this level of awareness. We shouldn’t pay it again.

So, I encourage you to think bigger and ask, “What can I do now to make the most out of this situation? How can I take these life lessons and use them to make each day better than the last?” It’s about squeezing every bit of value out of those lessons.

If you’ve quit gambling for an hour, a week, or years, look back. What are some things you’ve been able to do now that you wouldn’t have been able to do without going through this struggle? Maybe you appreciate life more, maybe you’re connecting with loved ones in ways you didn’t before.

In wrapping this up, I encourage you to understand the financial impact, but also use it to move forward. We’ve paid the price—now we have to make it worth it. Try to be a better person today than yesterday. That’s a huge success.

Now, before you go, I’d like to go over a few very important things.

First of all, I think it’s important to remember that problem gambling is a treatable disorder. There’s no scientific evidence or study that suggests that this is just a terminal condition or that we’re going to be forced to deal with the negative side effects for the rest of our lives. Recovery is real, but we need to seek out treatment.

That brings me to point number two: Help is available. Many states in the United States offer free counseling and therapy for not only gamblers but also family members. The best way to start finding out more information is to call the hotline number, 1-800-522-4700. Again, that’s 1-800-522-4700. This number is run by the National Council on Problem Gambling and covers all 50 states. They’ll help guide you on the path to seek help in your area.

These hotlines aren’t just available in the United States—they’re available around the world. Just type “gambling help” or “gambling hotline” in your web browser to find information for your local area.

In addition to the hotlines, there are numerous places where you can find gambling support and information online. If you go to gamblingstillsucks.com/help, I list resources like chat groups, online forums, and other great information, and I’ll continue adding to it as I find more.

Again, that’s gamblingstillsucks.com/help.

Disclaimer: This podcast does not provide legal or medical advice. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or attorney—just a guy who had a gambling problem. While we’ll discuss a lot of topics and I’ll provide insight into what’s worked for me, please seek help from a professional. Visit a lawyer, doctor, or therapist to help you deal with your gambling problem.

The information discussed here is for informational purposes only and should not be taken as professional legal or medical advice. Reliance on the information provided in this podcast is solely at your own risk.

The music for this podcast is Something Elated by Broke for Free, licensed under the Creative Commons.