GSS 010: Rob Joins the Podcast to Share His Story

Full Episode Transcript

This is episode 10 of the Gambling Still Sucks podcast. In this episode, we have our very first guest.

Hey there, and welcome to the Gambling Still Sucks podcast. My name is Jamie. I’m a compulsive gambler and I’m also the host of this show. The last time I gambled was July 15th of 2010.

As I mentioned in the intro, this is our very first guest and I just want to preface it by saying, bear with us. This is my first time doing interviews, and so the recording system that we used had a little bit of popping and clipping on some of the words. But at the end of it all, I think the message still really comes through, and I’m excited for you to hear Rob’s story and to get to know a good friend of mine. So let’s jump into the interview.

Hey there, everyone. This is an episode I’ve been looking forward to from the beginning. I think I said in one of the early episodes that I’d always planned to have guests on to share their stories, and today is that day. So, I’m really looking forward to the chance to shut up and let someone else do most of the talking. I’m especially excited because of who this first guest is. Rob is a person who is actually one of the very first people, if not the first person, to know that this podcast might actually even exist and go from something in my head to something out in the world.

Rob is a great friend of mine. We actually go to the same GA meeting—that’s where we met—and we’ve developed a great friendship. If you’ve been to GA, you know that you look around the room and you see similarities with other people. Rob is sort of like looking in a mirror for me, and after hearing his story, you’ll probably understand why. So without further ado, I’d like to welcome my great friend, Rob, as the very first guest of the Gambling Still Sucks podcast. Rob, it’s great to have you with us.

“Hey, Jamie. Thanks, it’s great to be here.”

So, Rob, before we dive into your experiences with gambling and now recovery, I think it would be great for our audience to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us about yourself, maybe share a little about your personal or professional life, just so people have an idea of who you are?

“Sure. Well, Jamie, my name’s Rob. I’m a compulsive gambler. The first time I gambled was August 31st, 2015. I’m married and have four kids, two dogs, and I’m a professional who’s been in the same industry for over 20 years. For the last two and a half years, since I stopped gambling, my life has definitely changed.”

And I can vouch for Rob. Rob is just a typical guy. I think I said in one of the most recent episodes that it’s hard for people to really get a sense of who compulsive gamblers are. We have that “5%” in our head, but Rob is just a typical guy. He and I have a lot in common: we both like sports, we’re both in business, and I think that’s why we get along so well.

So, Rob, I guess we might as well start at the beginning. Take us back to your earliest memories of gambling. What were your first experiences?

“Well, my earliest memories of gambling are from when I was about 10 years old. My dad was a bookie, and he actually had me help him with the football parlay sheets. That was my first experience with gambling. He would let me pick as many parlay sheets as I wanted, put a dollar or two on each one, and if I won, he’d give me the money. My dad passed away when I was 14, so by that point, I had four years of pretty extensive gambling experience, from age 10 to 14.

When I was 14, I was introduced to poker through family members who liked to sit around and play poker for fun. I would sit on my mom’s or uncle’s lap, and they would teach me how to read the hands and what beats what. By the time I was 16, I was playing high stakes poker—at least high stakes for a 16-year-old. It wasn’t uncommon to win or lose $500 to $1,000 in a session at that age. That’s when the illness really kicked into gear. I started to realize that I could win substantial amounts of money, but I didn’t factor in how much I could also lose.”

So, at 16, you’re playing high stakes poker. These were home games, not casinos, right?

“Right. These were home games that started in my mom’s basement. There were four or five of us who all went to school together.”

And actually, interestingly enough, that same group played yearly, all the way up until—well, it’s still going, but I stopped going two and a half years ago. We played yearly for 30-plus years. That was a group that I grew up playing cards with, and we met once a year to play in this big game, regardless of anybody’s schedule or family commitments. We did that every single year, and that game still goes on to this day—I just don’t attend anymore.

Wow. I guess in addition to poker, were you doing other types of gambling? Was it just strictly poker, or what was the progression?

“Well, poker was definitely the main thing that I played, but I also had a period where I was betting on football games. I’ve done the lottery—pretty much anything that you can gamble on, I gambled on—but I always went back to poker. Interestingly, poker is the type of gambling that I’m compulsive about. I could buy one lottery ticket, lose, throw it away, and not think about it anymore. I could bet on a football game, win or lose a hundred bucks, and that was the end of it. But for some reason with poker, I just couldn’t quit. Whenever I would win, I would raise the stakes until I ended up actually playing in the World Series of Poker. That was kind of a big step for me, but that’s where things really got dangerous. I went from hundreds and small thousands to big, big dollar amounts that I was winning and losing. That’s when things got out of control, especially with the advent of online poker. It made things so easy to sit down and just dump money, and that’s kind of what I did.”

So, it sounds like we were kind of in the same time period. When was your first year at the World Series of Poker?

“That would have been 2013, I think—2012 or 2013.”

And you were probably playing online poker well before that.

“Oh, yeah. I was playing online poker back when Party Poker was really big. It was so easy to just click a button and add a hundred dollars over and over. It got so out of control that I didn’t want my now ex-wife to know how much I was gambling. I had a friend who would let me use his bank account to fund my online gambling. I would give him cash, but it got to the point where I was using his account without giving him the money. I was stealing from him—it was just terrible.”

It’s such a vicious disease—you don’t think about who you’re hurting and what you’re doing when you’re in the midst of it. And I think you touched on something important—the hiding. You said your ex-wife didn’t know, and you used a third party to run the money through. Was it guilt or shame? Did you feel like you knew you had a big problem at that point? Why did you hide it? Did you think someday it wouldn’t be an issue?

“I definitely knew I had a problem. Everybody knew that I had a problem—my mother, my ex-wife, several friends advised me to go to GA. They saw it spiraling out of control, and it wasn’t just hundreds of dollars—it was thousands. I’ve always made a pretty good living, so it wasn’t an issue to keep dumping money into it. But it was so sickening. I hid it from everybody partly because of the embarrassment, partly because I didn’t want people to know how much I was losing. I was trying to keep up that persona of being a big-time high stakes gambler, but in the background, I was losing money and driving my entire family into the ground.

I knew I needed help, but I didn’t want it at the time—I didn’t want to stop gambling. Until you hit rock bottom, you don’t realize you need to stop.”

The devastation of gambling goes way beyond money. Could you talk a bit more about the effects it had on your personal and professional life?

“The thing about being a compulsive gambler and hiding it is that you lie, cheat, steal—you do anything to get the money to gamble. I can almost understand how drug addiction works. I’ve never drank or done drugs, but I can see how that addiction affects you—wanting the next fix or the next round of cards. While doing that, you’re lying, cheating, and stealing. It starts affecting other aspects of your life. You lie to your spouse, your employer. You ignore your kids. Instead of spending time with them, you’re sleeping on the couch because you played poker until 4 in the morning. It goes way deeper than just the money you lose. I saw myself becoming someone I didn’t want to be. I was always a good person, always tried to do the right thing. Gambling turned me into someone I didn’t want to be, and until I recognized that, I kept hurting people to get what I wanted. Once I recognized that, GA coupled with therapy really helped change not only my gambling but my entire home life.”

“Since stopping gambling, my career, my family life, and my relationships have all improved drastically. I’m just a completely different person from the person I was back then.”

Absolutely. That change is incredible. I guess, as we’re talking about the past, do you have any stories from your gambling days that you look back on now and just shake your head at? Moments that make you think, “Was that really me?” I know I have plenty of those.

“Oh, I have lots of those moments. One that really sticks out is when I went to a casino with a work group. I had won an award at work, and they took the top producers to a casino on a bus. We were leaving at eight in the morning and supposed to be back by 5 p.m. I knew that wasn’t going to work for me, so I arranged for a friend to drive separately from the bus so I wouldn’t have to leave early. The plan was to take the bus up, and my friend would take me home later.

The bus left at 5 p.m., but I kept playing poker. My friend and I had planned to meet at 7 p.m. for dinner, but I didn’t show up because I was playing. Midnight rolled around, and I started trying to find him, but he wasn’t around. It wasn’t until 3 a.m. that I got ahold of him, and by then he had already left, figuring he couldn’t find me. I was stuck two hours away from home without a ride. Instead of worrying about how I was going to get home, I just sat back down at the poker table and kept playing through the next day, missed work, and didn’t start thinking about getting home until the following night. It’s crazy to look back on it now—how could I stay at a casino for two days, miss work, and not even care?”

Yeah, that shows just how deep gambling can go. Do you have any other stories that stand out?

“Oh, I’ve got plenty, but one more is about how I used to run my money up to huge amounts at the poker table, then lose it all and whatever was left in my pocket or bank account. I was known as an action player, someone who brought a lot of action to the table. I’d have giant stacks of chips in front of me and keep playing until I lost everything. It’s embarrassing to look back, but that’s how deep I was in it.”

That’s like looking in a mirror for me. I’ve had those exact experiences. I don’t think I’ve ever heard your bus story before, but it shows just how far we go to stay in action.

So, let’s fast forward. August 28th, 2015—that’s the date you stopped. What happened that led you to change? What made you decide to go to GA?

“This is the toughest part for me to talk about. You remember my first GA meeting—I was a complete disaster, and we’ve talked about that many times. There were other things going on in my life at the time, especially in my marriage. There were things I wasn’t proud of that stemmed from the gambling addiction and other issues in my head. It all came to a head when my wife discovered some credit card statements with online poker transactions. She knew I was playing, but she had no idea how much money or time I was spending on it. We ended up splitting for about six weeks, and I moved out. During that time, my wife wouldn’t talk to me because of all the things that had come to light.

I realized that I either needed to get help or I would end up alone, with nothing but a history of gambling and addiction. I decided then that I needed to get help and that I was finally ready to stop gambling. I had tried on my own before, but it never worked. So, I went to GA, and at that first meeting, I knew I needed to be there. But I also knew I had other issues to address aside from gambling—issues that were all related.

I started seeing a therapist weekly, and that helped me discover a lot about myself, my childhood, my parents, and why I had developed these compulsive behaviors. Therapy, combined with GA, really changed me. Not only did I stop gambling, but my outlook on life changed. My outlook on my wife and family changed. I started realizing the harm I was causing, and I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I had been hurting the people I loved without even realizing it, and that realization made me want to change.”

It sounds like it was a big turning point. Since then, how has your life changed?

“It’s been two and a half years now, and I think I’ve only missed two or three GA meetings, and that was only because I was on vacation with my family. I go every single week. My relationship with my wife is so much better now. We talk openly, and I don’t lie anymore. I used to lie to her a lot, and I’m not proud of that. Now, I just tell the truth. I have money now because I’m not gambling it all away. We’re able to do things we want, and I don’t have that constant stress of worrying about her seeing the accounts or finding out that I’ve been gambling. Life is just different now. We still argue sometimes, just like any other couple, but it’s not about lies or things that shouldn’t be happening. Life is good now.”

That’s amazing, Rob. I think a lot of people need to hear that change is possible. You said earlier that there were moments when you didn’t think you would ever stop. What can you say to people who are struggling and need encouragement?

“I never thought I would ever stop gambling. I never wanted to stop. But here I am—two and a half years later, and I’m not gambling. I don’t watch poker, I don’t check the World Series results, I don’t play. I just have no desire to go back to that life because I remember how it was and how it made my family feel. I don’t want to go back to that. Am I clean? Yeah, I’m clean for now, but I know that I’m one day or one hour away from possibly going back, which is why I still go to meetings. I have a great support system at home with my wife, and my life is completely different now. It’s so much better.”

That’s incredible. I think when people ask, “How do I quit gambling?” it’s hard to put into words, but you outlined the steps perfectly. It’s about taking action, one day at a time. I think that’s something that can really resonate with people.

Rob, the other thing I wanted you to talk about is how quitting gambling has affected other areas of your life—not just financially, but in other ways. Can you share some of the improvements or achievements you’re proud of?

“Definitely. My work has gotten so much better since I stopped gambling. It used to be normal for me to play cards all night and then go straight to work from the casino or a home game. I’d just get through the day and then go home, sleep, and do it all over again. Now, I can focus on work fully, and I don’t play online poker at work like I used to. My career is in a much better place now. And of course, my family life is better. My relationship with my wife has improved tremendously, and it all boils down to honesty. When you’re a compulsive gambler, let’s be frank—you’re not honest. That dishonesty creates problems everywhere, and that’s been one of the biggest changes for me.”

That’s a huge change, and it makes such a difference. But you’re being modest—you’re leaving out one more big improvement, which I thought you’d mention: your health.

“Oh, right—my health! When I was gambling heavily, I’d go long periods without eating, or when I did eat, it was junk food. My sleep was terrible. I got up to about 320 pounds at one point, and I was very unhealthy. When I stopped gambling, I needed something else to fill that void, so I started working out. My wife helped me put a meal plan together, and I started doing boot camps three or four times a week. I’m 45 now, and I want to be as healthy as I can be. I’ve lost a lot of weight, I feel better, and I’m happier. It makes me feel good, which in turn makes my family happier. It’s just been a huge improvement.”

That’s amazing, Rob. And like I said, the difference is clear—you look like a completely different person, and there’s just a glow of happiness about you now. It’s really inspiring.

Thank you, Jamie. I definitely feel different than when I first joined GA. I was definitely not glowing back then!

And now, Rob, you’re the unlucky first person who doesn’t get to know ahead of time what the “five takeaway questions” are. These are five questions I’m going to ask every guest, and you’re going to get them completely blind. Ready?

“I’m ready.”

With it being Problem Gambling Awareness Month, what do you wish the general population knew about compulsive gambling?

“I think the biggest thing that people don’t realize is that it is an addiction, and it is an illness. Compulsive gamblers don’t want to be compulsive gamblers—they just don’t know how to stop. If you’re a smoker or a drinker and you ask a compulsive gambler, ‘Why don’t you just stop?’ it’s like me asking you, ‘Why don’t you just quit smoking or quit drinking?’ It’s the same thing—it’s an addiction.”

What would you like to see change to help more people who are struggling with gambling?

“I’d love to see more funding from state or

federal levels to help people find resources. If you’re an alcoholic, you know to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. If you’re addicted to drugs, you know where to go for help. Most people don’t know where to go if they’re a compulsive gambler—they’ve heard of GA, but they don’t know how to get there or where the meetings are. More outreach and funding would help people get the help they need. I think what you’re doing with this podcast is great because it helps people know where to go.”

I completely agree. More funding, awareness, and outreach could make a real difference. And for anyone listening who doesn’t know where to start, there are resources. If you’re in the United States, you can call 1-800-522-4700. That’s the national hotline for gambling issues, and they can connect you to local resources. You can also visit Gamblers Anonymous at gamblersanonymous.org for more information.

Now, for the third question: Having been through everything you’ve experienced, knowing there’s someone listening right now who’s struggling just like you were back in 2015, what would you say to provide them with encouragement or hope?

“I can definitely say that things get better. When you’re at rock bottom, it’s hard to believe that things could ever improve, especially when you’re in debt and fighting with family members. But there is help out there, and things do get better once you seek that help. I encourage anyone listening who has a gambling problem to reach out, give it a try, even if you’ve tried before and it didn’t work. It really does get better.”

That’s powerful, Rob. Moving on to the fourth question: What’s it been like sharing your story? Whether it’s in a GA meeting, here on the podcast, or with friends and family, how has sharing your story impacted you?

“In the beginning, I hated sharing my story because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to know I was in GA, and I’d make up excuses whenever someone invited me to a casino or card game. It’s only recently, maybe over the past six months, that I’ve started to tell people openly, ‘I don’t gamble anymore. I’m in Gamblers Anonymous.’ The response has always been supportive, and that surprised me at first. When you gamble as much as I did, you know a lot of other gamblers, so I often get asked about poker or the casino when I run into people. Now I just tell them I don’t gamble, and it’s been fulfilling for me because it shows how far I’ve come. It’s a big accomplishment, one I never thought I’d achieve.”

That’s huge, Rob, and I think that openness not only helps you but also inspires others. It’s amazing how supportive people can be when you’re honest about what you’re going through.

And finally, for the fifth question: What does the future look like for you?

“Well, I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but right now, I’m focused on building my business, continuing to work on my marriage, and getting ready for the next stage of life as my kids get closer to finishing high school and heading to college. I’m also trying to enjoy life more and really make the most of each day. My goal is to help others who are struggling like I was. Just like the people who helped me when I first joined the program, I want to pay it forward. If I can change one life, one person, or one family dynamic by helping them find the strength to stop gambling, then it’s all worth it.”

That’s incredible, Rob. I think you’re making a difference already, and I just want to say thank you. Thank you for your friendship, your openness, and your support. I’d be really bummed if I showed up at our Monday night meeting and didn’t see you there, so I’m grateful for you.

“Thanks, Jamie. I appreciate your friendship and support as well.”

And thank you for being the first guest on the show. It means a lot to me. I appreciate your willingness to be open and share your story because the more stories we get out into the world, the better. I know my interview skills will get better, and this is your first time doing this, so we’re all just learning together. Thanks again, Rob, and thank you to the audience for tuning in. This has been one of those things people have been asking for—a chance to hear other people’s stories. If you have a story you’d like to share, feel free to reach out, and we’ll make it happen.

Thank you again, Rob. You did a fantastic job, and I’m really looking forward to hearing more stories from others as well as seeing everyone’s feedback on this one.

“Thanks, Jamie. I appreciate it.”

That wraps up this episode—our very first interview on the Gambling Still Sucks podcast. I look forward to seeing you all in future episodes.

Now, before you go, I’d like to go over a few important things. First of all, it’s important to remember that problem gambling is a treatable disorder. There’s no scientific evidence suggesting that this is a terminal condition that you’re forced to deal with for the rest of your life. Recovery is real, but we have to seek out treatment.

Secondly, help is available. Many states here in the United States offer free counseling and therapy for gamblers and their family members. If you need help, call the national hotline at 1-800-522-4700. This number is run by the National Council on Problem Gambling and covers all 50 states. They’ll guide you on how to get help in your area. Hotlines like this exist worldwide, so just open a web browser, type in “gambling help” or “gambling hotline,” and you’ll find information for your region.

In addition to hotlines, there are also numerous places to find support online. You can visit gamblingstillsucks.com/help, where I’ll be adding resources like chat groups, forums, and more as I discover them.

One last note—this podcast does not provide legal or medical advice. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or attorney; I’m just a guy who had a gambling problem. While I’ll be discussing topics and sharing insights on what’s worked for me, please seek the help of a professional—whether that’s a lawyer, doctor, or therapist—to help you with your specific situation. The information in this podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be taken as professional advice.

Thank you all for listening. I appreciate your support, and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode.