GSS 002: The Plan I Use to Quit Gambling

Full Episode Transcript

This is episode 2 of the Gambling Still Sucks podcast. In this episode, we’ll discuss my plan that I use to finally quit gambling.

Hey there and welcome to the Gambling Still Sucks podcast. My name is Jamie. I’m a compulsive gambler, and I’m also the host of this show. The last day I gambled was July 15th of 2010.

Now, I wanted to get this episode at the front. I wanted to share with you sort of my plan that I’ve used to finally quit gambling. Because like you, I mean, if you’re listening to this and you’re still struggling, I tried to quit hundreds of times. Most of those times were obviously at the end of a big loss, right? When we’re at our lowest, we say, “Look, I’m never going to do this again. I can’t do it. I can’t dig a bigger hole.” I think things are going to be different, but then I go back and do the same stuff. It’s the definition of insanity—doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

While I had my plan to quit in the past, which was just, “Look, you’ve got to be tougher. You just have to use willpower,” I would tell myself, “When you get up two times your money or three times your money, or some arbitrary number I would set, then you have to leave.” And that theory was great in theory, but then I would get there and get up two or three times my money, and I wouldn’t leave. I’d think, “Oh man, I hit this number too quick. Why would I leave this table? I’m playing with these guys, and they don’t even know what they’re doing. It’d be dumb to leave now.” Inevitably, I would end with no money, doing the walk of shame out of the casino, and that drive home—anybody that’s done that drive home knows what I’m talking about—was the worst.

Those were the times when I would think a lot of bad, negative thoughts, just beating myself up. I had two-hour drives home at times, and during those drives, I’d think, “You were up,” or, “You said you’d only take $200 and ended up at the ATM three more times.” All of a sudden, I’m going home with the exact same result I’ve had hundreds of times before.

If that resonates with you, I want to lay this plan out for you because this is what I’ve used now for seven and a half years to allow me to finally quit gambling, to break that habit, and to break those thoughts in order to be successful and not gamble away all my money at the poker table. Because that was pretty terrible.

The very first part of my plan is just coming clean. Coming clean to family and friends, or in this case, I’m coming clean to the entire world. Yeah, that’s a little scary. So if you just need to tell your wife, significant other, mom, or dad, that’s easy compared to this. I’m telling the whole world—all you have to do is tell one person. No, I know it’s not easy, but coming clean has been the biggest thing that’s changed my life.

I actually got caught still gambling, so I was forced to come clean. But I wasn’t completely forced. I could have continued to lie, but I was finally done. I was at that low point where I knew I needed to change. So I started to come clean, and the day I got caught, I started calling people and telling them what was going on. I even called some of the people that I used to gamble with and said, “Hey, look, I’m done. Don’t call me. I’m not going to go.” They all laughed and said, “Oh sure, we’ll talk to you in a week or two when you settle down.” But I haven’t talked to them since.

The moment I started to come clean to my family, things started to change. Now, I know what you’re thinking, which is exactly what I was thinking: “I can’t tell them. I’ve been lying to them. If I come clean, they’re going to hate me. They’re going to be extremely disappointed.” The thought of telling my mom or my fiancé at the time (yes, fiancé—that’s part of the riverboat story we’ll get to in a future episode), I knew it was going to hurt them. So, in a way, I was justifying my actions by protecting them. But at the end of the day, when I really looked at it, I wasn’t protecting them because I wasn’t looking out for their best interests. I wasn’t looking out for my own best interests either. All I was doing was continuing to dig a hole by trying to do it myself.

That constant reliance on myself, on my willpower, wasn’t working. But the moment I was exposed and started coming clean to my family and friends, everything started to change. A lot of that changed because they told me things needed to change, and I needed their support in order to do that. I wasn’t just going to go to GA (Gamblers Anonymous) on my own; I needed to be accountable. That’s what coming clean to family and friends creates for you—it creates accountability so you have other people who are on your side.

Early on, I didn’t think they would be on my side. I thought it might end relationships and be really bad. But the reality for me was that that wasn’t the case. They have been extremely supportive and have helped me through, pushing me to go to GA and continue to go. They’ve created accountability for me, and it’s really, really helped.

A lot of my gambling was driven by this need to try and dig out of my hole, to get back to a place where nobody would have to find out about it. But in coming clean, I was able to make other changes in my life and be more realistic about where I was and what I needed to do. All of these things only started to happen when the truth came out. As the truth came out, it helped me because I didn’t have to live that lie anymore. For me, it tore me apart to constantly be lying. I’d be sitting in a parking lot waiting for a phone call, just so I could talk to somebody and they wouldn’t know that I was about to run back inside to sit at the poker table. Living that lie was destroying me.

Once I involved my family and friends, things became so much easier. If you’re looking to come up with a plan to help you quit, I know you think you can’t do it, that you can’t tell anyone. But I can tell you from experience that this has made all the difference for me.

I’ll just leave you with this thought, which is one of my favorite things I’ve learned to do in recovery: switch shoes. Change places with the other person—your loved one. If it was your loved one that had a gambling problem, wouldn’t you want to know so you could help them? If they had cancer, wouldn’t you want to know so you could help them? If they had a broken foot and couldn’t walk to get their mail, wouldn’t you want to know so you could help them? We would all do anything to help our loved ones. It’s really no different here. Yes, I know this is going to be difficult, and they may be disappointed, but at the end of the day, they are going to want to help me just like I would want to help them.

In addition to coming clean and sharing my story with friends and family, the other thing that’s been a huge part of my plan is never forgetting the pain. Somewhere along the way, I started to realize, “I think my brain’s just wired to forget.” It’s really the only thing that makes sense—that I did the exact same thing over and over and expected different results. My brain was wired to forget the downside, the losses. I never had any problem remembering the big wins or even some of the smaller wins. But I completely forgot that when I started with $100 and ran up to $1,000, I ended up leaving with negative $400. The only thing that makes sense is that I’m wired to forget.

For me, keeping that memory fresh has been a huge part of my recovery. If you go to the website, the icon there is a graph—the rise up representing winning, followed by the steep drop into negative territory. That graph is something I drew a long time ago, and it’s part of never forgetting the pain. The reality is I know my graph—when you look at the whole thing over the six years of my gambling, it’s a line trending negative. Long-term, if I continued to gamble, it would keep going down.

Never forgetting the pain doesn’t mean I dwell on it or beat myself up over it. Instead, I remember it without dwelling so I don’t make the same mistake again. How do I do that? The easiest way is by going to Gamblers Anonymous. I know this is a hot debate, and I also had all the same reasons not to go. I didn’t want to go; I didn’t think I was like the people there, even though I had never met them. It just didn’t seem like something I needed. I thought I could do something different. But from my experience, going to a weekly GA meeting has made all the difference. It allows me not to forget the pain, gives me another outlet to share my story, and helps me come clean. These are complete strangers who over time become friends, and that’s something I never expected.

GA has made recovery so much easier. Sharing my story and hearing the stories of others allows me not to forget the pain—it keeps me telling myself the truth. Someone will say something that triggers a memory for me, and I remember something I did. It’s interesting how connected our experiences are. Hearing other people talk about their gambling helps me remember what I don’t want to go back to. Especially when new people come in, I remember my first night, sitting there with my foot shaking because I was so uncomfortable.

I remember how devastating gambling was in my life by seeing it in others.

GA allows me to collect these stories and remember them. When I hear stories of fathers who talk about the relationships they’ve damaged with their children, it reminds me how close I could have been to that reality if I had continued gambling. Hearing those stories, keeping them fresh, has made it easier for me to quit.

I know there are things that might push people away from GA, things you might not like. I would just encourage you to try it anyway because, personally, there are things I don’t like about GA either. But the reality is that the positive far outweighs any negatives. The good that comes out of GA is worth putting up with a few things that don’t appeal to me.

In addition to GA, I also visit the Reddit problem gambling group, which is like having GA on demand. I read people’s stories there, and it reminds me of my own experiences. Out of that Reddit group, there is also a Discord chat, which is just a place for people to chat. It has been an awesome resource to connect with others and get comfort from the community. These two places are other ways I remind myself of my reality.

So, to summarize, coming clean and never forgetting the pain are the backbones of my recovery. Sharing my story, attending GA, and using online forums keep my willpower tank full. I once read in the book “The One Thing” by Gary Keller that “willpower is not on will call.” We can’t always summon it, so we have to work to keep it full. What are you doing to keep your willpower full?

If you’ve struggled or if you’ve quit for long stretches but can’t quit for good, think about the things you were doing early on that you may have stopped doing. A lot of people I’ve met get complacent, and that’s what I fight against every day—complacency. I do it by sharing my story and never forgetting the pain. I hope this helps you, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Finally, before I let you go, please subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already. If you feel this could help others, I would really appreciate it if you could leave a review. Reviews help the show rank higher on platforms like iTunes and Stitcher, making it easier for people to find. In the world of gambling podcasts, most are about how to find the best bet for the weekend—not about how not to bet. So we’re up against a lot of gambling advertising, and a review would go a long way.

Thank you. I appreciate you, and I look forward to talking to you in the next episode, where I’m going to share the riverboat story—the last day I gambled, July 15th of 2010.

As a disclaimer, this podcast does not provide legal or medical advice. Look, I’m not a doctor, I’m not an attorney, and I’m not a therapist. I’m just a guy that had a gambling problem. So while we’ll discuss a lot of topics, and I’ll provide a lot of insight into what’s worked for me, please seek out the help of a professional. Go visit a lawyer, a doctor, or a therapist to help you deal with your gambling problem. The information that we discuss is for informational purposes and should not be taken as professional legal or medical advice. Reliance on the information appearing on this podcast is solely at your own risk.

The music for this podcast is “Something Elated” by Broke For Free, and it is licensed under Creative Commons.