I’ve always cared what other people think of me.

When they see me, I want them to see a smart, successful person.

Growing up, I never had much of an issue giving off either appearance. I was a 4.0 student, good at sports, and well-mannered.

As I began to gamble (and lose) more, I wasn’t the same person. I was skipping classes, had quit my college sports team and was neglecting my business to become a party boy.

This is where my internal struggle began.

Lies, lies and ya…more lies?

To maintain the image I wanted others to see, I began to lie my ass off.

“How’s business?”

“Great!” I would respond.

Whatever was asked of me, I would respond with lies to maintain my image and reputation.

waiting for things to turn around

While I knew I was lying to people, deep down, I always believed things would turn around.

I have always had a strong belief in myself, and I thought I could fake it until I made it. Things would turn around eventually and no one will ever know how much I was struggling.

Even as the debts began to mount, I couldn’t give up the belief that I could turn things around. Without this belief, I would have to admit my failures and be exposed for the fraud I had become.

Without this belief, I had nothing.

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