I’ve always cared what other people think of me.
When they see me, I want them to see a smart, successful person.
Growing up, I never had much of an issue giving off either appearance. I was a 4.0 student, good at sports, and well-mannered.
As I began to gamble (and lose) more, I wasn’t the same person. I was skipping classes, had quit my college sports team and was neglecting my business to become a party boy.
This is where my internal struggle began.
Lies, lies and ya…more lies?
To maintain the image I wanted others to see, I began to lie my ass off.
“Great!” I would respond.
Whatever was asked of me, I would respond with lies to maintain my image and reputation.
waiting for things to turn around
While I knew I was lying to people, deep down, I always believed things would turn around.
I have always had a strong belief in myself, and I thought I could fake it until I made it. Things would turn around eventually and no one will ever know how much I was struggling.
Even as the debts began to mount, I couldn’t give up the belief that I could turn things around. Without this belief, I would have to admit my failures and be exposed for the fraud I had become.
Without this belief, I had nothing.