AG 057: How Can Personality Tests Help Us Learn & Grow?

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Full Episode Transcript

This is episode 57 of the After Gambling Podcast. In this episode, we are going to explore using online tools to learn more about ourselves.

Hey there, and welcome to another episode of the After Gambling Podcast. My name is Jamie. I’m a former compulsive gambler. Now I’m a non-gambler. And the last time I gambled was July 15th of 2010.

For those of you that have been following along, you noticed a little bit of a change there, terminology to non-gambler. It’s something I picked up after reading the Alan Carr Easy Way to Quit Gambling, which I highly, highly recommend. It’s something that I wish I would have picked up actually a long time ago, many, many years ago. So if you haven’t already, definitely go check out that book. It’s excellent. And in that book, I was introduced to the term non-gambler.

And as I’ve been kind of wrestling with what to call myself now, non-gambler is really kind of one of the things. As I said, I’m also a former compulsive gambler. I’ll always be that, former. But it just didn’t feel right to say that I am a compulsive gambler anymore because it’s like saying that you’re overweight when you’re no longer overweight. That’s something that’s still in me. I still could go back there. I could choose to get back on that path and go right back to that.

So I keep that front and center. It doesn’t change anything that I do in recovery, but it just feels a whole lot more appropriate to call myself a non-gambler and a former compulsive gambler. Those two things just seem to fit. So that’s what I’m going with. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Now, as I said in the intro, today’s episode, we’re going to talk a little bit about using tools online and namely surveys or personality questionnaires in order to help us learn more about ourselves.

This idea comes on the back of my participation in a study on compulsive gamblers, and I took part in the study. I will do anything to kind of help, obviously. I mean, I do this podcast, and so when I saw that there was a study, I volunteered myself for the study, and it was really good. There was kind of an interview process up front, and then there was a questionnaire afterward, and both were good, but the questionnaire online was really, really solid, and I really got a lot out of it.

As I was going through it—and we’ll kind of highlight some of the things that I learned about myself in doing it, and there are things that I already probably knew on some level, but answering the questions kind of allowed me to think about that again—but yeah, doing this survey was just kind of really eye-opening. It was just a really good experience for me.

Now, before we get into some of the takeaways that I had, there’s one other thing I want to mention, which is I was recently listening to one of my other favorite podcasts to listen to, which is the Jordan Harbinger Show. Jordan Harbinger. If you want to go check that out, Jordan has an awesome show. It’s a lot of personal development, but he really does focus just on learning, and there’s application to his stuff. It’s not just trying to get you pumped up and get you excited and all that type of stuff.

He covered that in a recent episode talking about why does self-help make us feel so crappy sometimes. I know this is something that I’ve experienced, and you’ve probably experienced it too. So, obviously, as somebody that works in kind of that self-help space, I’m going to help you out. But I think that’s something that I’m glad I listened to, and it’s something I think we all need to be mindful of—making sure that the self-help that we’re looking into isn’t making us feel worse, because that’s not what it should be.

Hopefully, in listening to this, things have only gotten better for your life. But the one thing that they pointed out, and which I want to point out before we get into the surveys and what I learned from the surveys, is self-help is just that—it should be for self-help.

And one key thing that I know I’ve gotten in trouble with in the past—and I think others do as well, as they pointed out on the show—is that we need to realize we’re never going to be finished; we’re never going to be perfect or complete. That is the big myth that many times people try to sell you with self-help. They try to sell you the belief that by buying a book, listening to a podcast, or watching a video, whatever it may be, maybe taking a course, they’re trying to sell you on this idea that on the other side of whatever they’re offering, you’re going to be perfect, that you’re going to fix all your flaws, be complete, and live this wonderful life free of problems.

And it kind of falls in line with Mark Manson in his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a…—you know, the rest. He reiterates that life isn’t perfect, that we’re never perfect, we’re never complete. And that’s part of life. The journey is to just kind of continuously learn about ourselves and grow. But knowing up front that we shouldn’t hold ourselves to some unattainable standard of perfection is a good way to keep us from falling into that trap of having self-help make us feel worse.

Because that’s really what happens, right? We start to work on ourselves, we’re trying to get to this level of perfection, and when we don’t reach it, when we get to the other side and it’s just real life—which is what reality is—then we’re disappointed. We’re disappointed in ourselves. We’re like, “Man, that self-help really sucked.” So I think just reframing it, understanding that it’s good to work on yourself, it’s good to try and become a better person, a better husband, a better father, a better whatever you are in life. But know that it’s a myth if you’re looking at that piece as the missing puzzle piece to make everything perfect.

So yeah, go check out that episode that Jordan just did. It was really good. And check out all his content—it’s solid stuff. It gives you a nice, hour-long deep dive podcast with application at the end. It’s something that I’ve gotten a lot of value from, and I know you will as well.

Now, diving into today’s episode, as I mentioned, I recently took part in a study, and the second half of it was an online questionnaire. You know the type: those “strongly agree” to “strongly disagree” questions about your habits, beliefs, and emotions. It was very similar to a personality test, like one of those online personality tests figuring out your love language or what makes you tick. There are all these different surveys that we can take online to learn more about ourselves.

One that I remember is called “How to Fascinate.” It’s an interesting one that I used once in business. It tries to dive into your personality type and what’s good about you, what you should emphasize more, and where your potential pitfalls are. All of these studies or evaluations are, again, just attempts to learn more about ourselves. They’re not designed to make us into perfect people; rather, they give us insight into areas we may want to explore further.

For me, taking this survey recently wasn’t even about the results at the end. It was more about what I learned as I was answering the questions. Each question made me reflect a bit, and in some cases, it forced me to look at things about myself that I might not have considered deeply before. And while I can’t share all of it here, I want to highlight a few of the takeaways I had from this experience because I think they might be useful for you, too.

The first thing that stood out were questions about social support—questions like, “When you’re struggling, do you turn to a friend or family member?” and “Do you feel like you have people in your life who care about you?” I realized that my answer was “Yes,” I did feel like I had people around me who cared, who wanted the best for me, who I could lean on. But then there were other questions, like, “Do you feel comfortable talking to them about your problems?” and “Did you actually reach out to them when you needed help?” And my honest answer to those was “No.”

It was kind of a lightbulb moment because it highlighted that while I have a strong support system, I’m not always willing to reach out to them. So that was a big takeaway for me: recognizing that I’m often trying to handle things on my own, not relying on the people around me who are there to help.

The next theme I noticed throughout the survey was about task completion. There were several questions about whether I finish tasks once I start them, or if I tend to leave things incomplete. This part really resonated because I realized that I’m a pretty loyal and committed person. I like to see things through to the end and don’t like having unfinished business. Unfinished tasks, in particular, tend to weigh on me. They just sit there, almost haunting me in the background, and as they build up, they add this layer of stress that I keep carrying.

It got me thinking about how, back when I was gambling, I would often put things off, pushing them aside in favor of the immediate escape or relief gambling seemed to offer. I’d have this internal pressure to complete things, but then I’d avoid doing them, and that avoidance only made things worse. This realization helped me see a connection between that unfinished business and the way I used to gamble as a way to escape from things I found hard or stressful.

The survey also highlighted a third pattern in my behavior. It brought up questions about how I react to frustrations with myself. For example, if I don’t get something done, do I tend to be hard on myself? My answer was definitely “yes.” I realized that when I get frustrated with myself for not completing something, my instinct is often to shut down. It’s like I start feeling overwhelmed, and instead of moving forward, I just freeze. This pattern of frustration leading to shutdown was something I recognized as part of my past gambling behavior. When things got difficult or when I felt I couldn’t meet my own expectations, I’d just escape through gambling rather than face those challenges head-on.

As I kept going through the survey, there was another set of questions that focused on risk-taking and new adventures. It asked things like, “Do you like new experiences?” or “Are you someone who likes to try things that might be risky?” I’ve always thought of myself as a bit of a risk-taker, but through this survey, I realized I’m actually quite calculated. I do like new adventures, but they tend to be ones where I can control or measure the risk.

For instance, I might love the idea of a spontaneous hike or trying out a new hobby, but I wouldn’t necessarily dive headfirst into something with a high level of risk, especially if it requires long-term exposure to danger. It was interesting to confront this about myself because gambling had convinced me that I was this thrill-seeker, someone who loved to live on the edge. But looking back, I see that I was drawn to the structured risk within a controlled environment, which gambling provided in a certain way. I enjoyed calculated risks, but gambling pushed me into irrational ones, something I’ve now separated myself from.

So, I came away with this insight: I can still enjoy new things, but I don’t have to associate them with reckless behavior. For those of us in recovery, it’s really helpful to understand this distinction between real thrill-seeking and the appeal of calculated risk, and how they play differently into our lives.

As I reflected on the risk-taking questions, I began to realize how much I was truly seeking control rather than thrill. Gambling might have felt like a thrill, but it was actually a way of creating the illusion of control in a life that sometimes felt unpredictable or overwhelming. By choosing how much to bet, what games to play, and when to place a wager, I was actually looking for a sense of mastery, a feeling that I could somehow manage the outcomes. But, of course, we know that gambling is the furthest thing from real control. It’s a world designed to take our money while making us feel like we’re in the driver’s seat.

Recognizing this was powerful because it helped me see that I don’t need the illusion of control through gambling anymore. Instead, I can find healthy outlets where I truly have control over my actions, decisions, and results. Whether that’s in work, relationships, or even a structured hobby, the difference is that these are environments where I’m genuinely in control of what I put in and get out.

Another takeaway from the survey questions was around stress and avoidance. When I felt stressed or overwhelmed, my tendency was to shut down and avoid the problem, which in turn led to even more stress. Gambling was a convenient escape, a place where I could just zone out and not think about the problems piling up around me. The survey highlighted this habit for me and made me see just how much I had used gambling as a crutch to avoid facing challenges directly. Since then, I’ve learned to approach problems head-on and seek solutions, even if they’re uncomfortable.

Now, if I feel overwhelmed, I try to slow down and prioritize what needs to be addressed first. I’ve developed better coping strategies to deal with stress, ones that don’t rely on escape but instead encourage me to stay engaged with my life. This has been one of the most important shifts for me in recovery because it’s allowed me to find a healthy way to deal with pressure without feeling the need to run from it.

The final realization I had from the survey was around the concept of commitment and seeing things through. It asked questions about following through on projects and handling responsibilities, and I saw a clear connection to my gambling days. When gambling took over, it pulled me away from finishing what I started. I had a strong desire to be a dependable person, yet gambling constantly interfered, taking time, energy, and focus away from my other commitments.

This is something that I’ve worked hard to rebuild in my recovery—my ability to commit to projects, responsibilities, and people. Now, I see how rewarding it is to stick with things, to face challenges, and to feel proud of what I accomplish. Rather than seeking short-term wins, I’m now more focused on building long-term success in areas that really matter. And the sense of satisfaction that comes from completing things—whether it’s a project at work or a personal goal—is something that gambling never truly gave me.

Another aspect of the survey that stood out was how it addressed feelings of self-worth. For a long time, my self-worth was tied up in winning and losing, in feeling “good enough” based on how much I won or how much money I had. It was a fragile, unstable way to view myself, and gambling reinforced it. Now, I’m more conscious of cultivating self-worth that isn’t dependent on external factors, and that’s been a game-changer. I look at my worth based on my values, my actions, and how I show up for the people in my life—not based on money or wins.

The survey really reinforced this shift for me, reminding me that self-worth is built on a stable foundation when it comes from within. It’s not about the highs and lows of winning or losing; it’s about being steady, consistent, and true to myself. This change has made me more resilient and less likely to be swayed by temporary setbacks or external validation.

Wrapping up the survey, I had a final set of questions around risk and how comfortable I am with uncertainty. These questions made me realize how gambling had shaped my relationship with risk in a destructive way. Back then, I saw risk as something thrilling and compelling—something that brought excitement and a rush. Gambling made risk seem attractive, almost as if it were a core part of who I was, reinforcing this need for unpredictability and high-stakes situations.

However, reflecting on these questions helped me see how unhealthy that relationship was. Now, I try to approach risk differently, looking for challenges that encourage personal growth rather than ones that could bring harm. For example, I’m willing to take a risk by learning something new or by starting a new project that feels ambitious, but these are calculated risks with purpose, unlike gambling. They are risks that actually serve my goals and align with my values.

This change in my relationship with risk has been liberating, helping me recognize that I can still have excitement and challenge in my life, but it doesn’t have to come from gambling or anything harmful. It can come from things that build me up rather than tearing me down.

Lastly, the survey brought up some interesting questions about self-discipline, specifically around sticking to routines and healthy boundaries. Gambling is the ultimate boundary breaker—it doesn’t respect time, money, or personal limits. This lack of boundaries left me feeling out of control, and during my gambling days, it was hard to stick to any sort of structure or routine. Since stopping, I’ve worked hard to restore those boundaries and to keep a structured routine that supports my well-being.

Now, routines like regular sleep, exercise, and productive work habits bring me a sense of calm and stability that I never had with gambling. Establishing boundaries and routines has become a new way of protecting myself, ensuring that I don’t slide back into unhealthy habits. This part of the survey reminded me of how powerful a routine can be in recovery, keeping me grounded and accountable.

In conclusion, completing this survey became more than just an exercise for a study—it turned into a deep self-reflection tool, showing me the importance of examining and understanding the patterns in my behavior, particularly around risk, self-discipline, and relationships. It’s fascinating how questions can bring so much clarity about who we are and how we interact with the world, especially for someone like me, who had spent years gambling and hiding parts of myself.

The key takeaway for me was that self-reflection—whether through surveys, personality tests, or therapy—is essential for personal growth. It’s not about finding faults or trying to achieve some impossible version of “perfect.” It’s about uncovering aspects of ourselves we may overlook, which can provide direction in recovery and in our day-to-day lives. Even when we’re not dealing with something as destructive as a gambling addiction, taking the time to understand ourselves can improve the quality of our relationships, our work, and our overall mental health.

I want to encourage anyone listening to use these tools, whether they’re online quizzes, therapy, or just a good chat with someone who understands. The questions alone can spark thoughts you may not have had otherwise, giving you insights that can be transformational. Just remember to keep it in perspective—none of us are here to achieve perfection; we’re here to grow and improve, little by little, in ways that matter to us.

Thank you for joining me in this episode. If you’ve found value in what I shared, please consider subscribing, rating, and reviewing the podcast. It helps others who might need this type of support find it more easily. Also, don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re interested in participating in studies or learning more about resources I mentioned—send me an email or reach out on social media.

As always, remember to seek help from licensed professionals—whether that’s a therapist, financial advisor, or medical professional. Professional support is invaluable in any recovery journey.

Finally, music for the show is “Something Elated” by Broke for Free, licensed under the Creative Commons license. My name is Jamie, a non-gambler and a former compulsive gambler who hasn’t gambled since July 15th, 2010. Thank you again for listening, and I’ll see you in the next episode.