This is episode 32 of the After Gambling Podcast.
In this episode, we’ll talk about questioning your own thoughts.
Hey there, and welcome to the After Gambling Podcast. My name is Jamie. I am a compulsive gambler, and I’m also the host of this show. The last time I gambled was July 15th of 2010.
For those of you listening along as these episodes come out, I just want to say thanks for being patient. In the last one, I mentioned I’d be going on vacation, and it might be a week or so before I got another episode up. I apologize—it’s been a few weeks. I had a really nice vacation but came back to a lot of work and had some personal things going on, like getting the kids ready for school. So, I wasn’t able to get episodes out over the last couple of weeks, and for that, I apologize. But sometimes we all just need a break, and this was kind of my little summer break.
I’m looking forward to getting back into it. I have a lot of things to talk about, and a lot of good interviews coming up. So, I’m looking forward to a nice fall run of episodes. For those of you listening in the future, you didn’t miss anything—it was just a couple of weeks that went by.
One of the topics I want to talk about today—and many of these upcoming episodes—will be influenced by a book I recently finished for the second time. That book is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* by Mark Manson. I’ll leave out the full title so I don’t have to put an expletive on this episode, but you can fill in the blank. I’ll also put a link to the book in the show notes. If you want to buy it, I’ll link to Amazon, and if you use that link, it’s a little way to support the show.
I’ll be doing a few things like that to support the podcast—books I recommend or other resources. It’s called affiliate marketing, for those of you that don’t know. It doesn’t cost you anything extra; it’s just a way for me to get a couple of bucks if you decide to purchase. So, if you’re interested in the book, please use the affiliate link. Again, it’s not much, but it’s a little something to help pay the bills for the show.
This book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, is one I had read before. I listened to it on audiobook, actually—I’m a big fan of audiobooks. If you want to check it out, I’ll also put a link to Audible. But first, check out your local library—many libraries have digital downloads for audiobooks or e-books that you can borrow for free. I do that quite a bit, so don’t buy anything you don’t need to.
When I first read the book, I remember commenting on Twitter that it was good, but it could have been shorter. I’m glad I went back and re-listened because I was wrong about that. I must have been thinking of a different book because this one definitely wasn’t it. It has a lot of great insights that sparked some thoughts I want to share in upcoming episodes. One of the key ideas I want to talk about today is questioning our own thoughts.
A few weeks ago, my wife came home from work and mentioned something she heard: “Don’t believe everything you think.” I thought, “I like that.” I’ve probably heard a version of that before, and I’m sure many of you have too. But the core of it is about questioning your thoughts. Many times, we can get caught up in our own thoughts. One thought triggers another, and another, and suddenly we’re stuck in a web in our minds. We feel trapped—stuck in a job, a relationship, our lives. We think we’re going to be broke forever, or that we’ll have to deal with this gambling problem forever. Within seconds, we spin this huge web of thoughts, and often they’re just not true.
One of the key takeaways from the book is to question your thoughts—don’t believe everything you think. This is especially important while trying to quit gambling. We think, “The only way out is to keep gambling” or, “I’ve already dug a deep hole—what’s another $20?” or the most dangerous thought of all, “I’ll just do this one last bet and quit tomorrow.” I’m sure many of you have had that thought hundreds of times. I know I did.
So, instead of believing everything you think, start questioning those thoughts. A good way to do this is to ask, “What if I’m wrong?” Let’s say you think, “I’ll play poker one last time today, and then I’ll quit forever.” Ask yourself, “What if I’m wrong? What if this isn’t the last time? What if going today leads me to go tomorrow, and the next day, and the next?” Often, we focus on the outcome we want to believe: that this is the last bet, or the last cheeseburger, or the last whatever. We want to do it just one more time before we say goodbye to it, and that’s part of why it’s so hard to let go.
When you question your thoughts and say, “What if I’m wrong?” it calls us out on our own excuses. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s also necessary. If you’re about to gamble again, and you think, “I can quit after this,” questioning that thought might prevent you from making a big mistake. Asking, “What if I’m wrong?” forces you to confront the possibility that this won’t be the last time, and that can help you stay on track.
This approach isn’t just about quitting gambling; it can be applied to other areas of life too. I chat with someone online who feels they’re “stuck” in life. They’re in their 20s, and they believe they’ve missed their chance to change careers or make a significant life change. I try to encourage them because I know they’re so young—they have plenty of time. But they feel stuck, and they’ve convinced themselves that it’s too late. What if they’re wrong? What if they could change jobs, find a new passion, and be happier? Questioning those limiting thoughts could open up possibilities they hadn’t considered.
This process of questioning your thoughts is a powerful tool for recovery and for life in general. We all have times when things feel too overwhelming, and our thoughts start to spiral. But when we learn to question those thoughts—when we ask, “What if I’m wrong?”—it can help us see the situation more clearly and make better choices.
Another application of this is when I talk to legislators about expanding sports betting. I’ve been calling legislators as states move to expand sports betting, and I’m often shocked by how little they understand about gambling addiction. One argument I hear a lot is, “The expansion won’t bring in new gamblers; it will just be the same people gambling more.” I don’t believe that. I think that when you increase availability, more people will gamble.
So, I use the same thought process with them. What if I’m wrong? If I’m wrong, and expanding gambling doesn’t increase the number of problem gamblers, then great! But I think we should still increase funding for treatment and prevention programs, just to be safe. If I’m wrong, then we have extra support for those who need it, which is never a bad thing. But what if they are wrong, and expanding gambling does lead to an increase in problem gambling? If they’re wrong, and we haven’t invested in treatment and prevention, we’re going to have a real issue. That’s why this approach—questioning our thoughts and considering the consequences—matters so much.
I hope this episode helps you see the value in questioning your own thoughts. Take a moment and think about something you’ve been telling yourself, something that makes you feel stuck. What if you’re wrong? What if there’s a way forward that you haven’t considered?
As always, I’m happy to hear from you. I’ve had people reach out recently who are racking up days—166 days clean for one person who reached out today, which is awesome to see. Whether you’re on day 1, day 166, or day 1,066, congratulations. I’m glad you’re here. Reach out to me, reach out to others, and stay connected. I believe the opposite of addiction is connection, so the more you connect—whether it’s on Reddit, in a Facebook group, or with friends—the better your recovery will be.
Remember, what we discuss here is for informational purposes. I think it can help, but I’m not a doctor, therapist, or lawyer. Please seek professional help for this serious disorder. There’s no shame in getting help, and you deserve to have a professional work with you.
Finally, the music for the show is “Something Elated” by Broke For Free and is licensed under the Creative Commons license. I’ll see you in the next episode, which will be an interview with a reporter in the gambling industry. I think it’s an interesting conversation that you’ll enjoy, giving a different perspective on the expansion of gambling.
See you next time!
