I’ve always loved music so when the NCPG Conference Highlight Event was held at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, I didn’t want to miss it. While enjoying the HOF, I realized the influence music has played in my gambling and now in my recovery.
This is episode 30 of the After Gambling Podcast.
In this episode, we’ll discuss music and its role in my recovery and how it can help you.
Hey there and welcome to the After Gambling Podcast. My name is Jamie. I am a compulsive gambler, and I’m also the host of this show. The last time I gambled was July 15th of 2010.
Now, as many of you know, I was up in Cleveland last week to take part in the National Council on Problem Gambling’s national conference. It was held here in Cleveland, which is close by to where I live, and I was able to make it up to a couple of days, and it was a great conference. But one of the highlights for me was the Friday night event. And the highlight event, as they called it, was at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And for those of you that don’t know, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland, Ohio. And here in Northeast Ohio, we have a lot of kind of connections to rock and roll, hence the location right here. And so it was a great event, and it really just kind of got me thinking about music and the role that music has had in my recovery. And I guess I should say, in addition to the role that music had in my recovery, also the role music played in my addiction.
Well, I guess we’ll start there. Back when I was playing poker, it was mostly online and I was definitely the person that would have headphones on all the time. And there were a couple of different artists that I listened to a lot when I was playing poker. And even today, when I hear those songs, they sort of take me back and it’s not something that really kind of puts me in a bad position. I’m kind of just, it’s just kind of like you smile and you say, “Wow. Oh yeah. That reminds me of the times.” But my wife is definitely not a fan of those artists and she always quickly changes the channel whenever they come on, probably just in an effort to protect me or to keep me from kind of having my thoughts go back to that place. But it’s all good. One of them was Fall Out Boy, and those albums were just kind of the beat of those. For anybody that knows, I mean, it’s intense when you’re listening to that kind of high-paced music, along with kind of online gambling and playing four and eight tables of poker at a time. It was a recipe for a lot of tension and a lot of stress and anxiety, but that was when I was gambling.
And then after I had stopped, there were some other artists that I was drawn to, and actually, looking back at it now, I can kind of see that the messaging definitely reflected the place that I was—a little beat down. And the messaging was a message of hope, but also of a lot of struggle. And those were the songs and the artists that I really connected to. The most were the ones that had those songs that were that kind of—I don’t want to say they were downers—but they were sort of downers, and it was people that were down on their luck but were fighting to get back on their feet.
One of the groups, which is actually here in Ohio—they’re from Ohio, they travel all around the country now—is Red Wanting Blue. A great group. Definitely check them out. I love their stuff, but go into it knowing that they definitely talk about their struggle. They’re a band that played every night and did kind of the rough and tumble road for years and years and years and are still struggling a little bit. I think they’re starting to get a little more notoriety. They’re traveling much further, I know. But a lot of their songs were talking about the struggle and how they just wanted to get up the hill, but it was just kind of this constant battle. And so it was interesting that I definitely really connected with that song, and it makes sense because that was kind of the soundtrack that made sense to that time in my life.
And now, fast forward, in recovery—well, I mean, I was in recovery then, but to a different place in recovery. And I think we all go through phases of recovery, and I’m in a place right now where I’m very comfortable in my recovery and understanding that that was me of eight years ago. That’s not me of today. And like I said, with the rebranding of the podcast, that was a big part of it. And one of the things I mentioned, I think, in that episode was that a lot of my songs that I really like are about water. And there’s something about water that really is kind of that inspirational thing. But it’s also just kind of the songs that I like. And a lot of the songs that I like about water are just kind of relaxing and uplifting.
One of my favorites—and where I’m going with this—is they had a big thing, a lot of things on Otis Redding, who, for those of you that are familiar, sang the song “Dock of the Bay.” And it’s a song that I really connect with. And I think it’s because it’s about struggle and it’s about pain, but in the end, I feel like the whole thought of sitting on the dock of the bay is that he finally found peace. And for me, it’s kind of that thought of looking out into the ocean and you finally find the peace. So it’s a song that I really connect with and that really resonates with me.
And so at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Otis Redding played a huge role in the rock and roll landscape, and he actually died in a plane crash. And so I put on my Instagram the pictures of the wreckage of the plane, and he was there in several different places. And that was kind of one of those things that as I was there, I was listening and kind of recalling history, telling stories about it and thinking, “Wow, you know, like, who is this guy?” And so I think one of the takeaways is to realize that music plays a very important role in our lives, and I think we definitely connect with soundtracks. We connect with songs that match the way we feel at the time. And I think that can be really good. I think it can be kind of cathartic. It can be good for us. But I also look back and I realized that it’s also important to kind of edit and look at what those messages are. Because if you keep listening to them and keep listening to them—for example, with Red Wanting Blue—that story of struggle, I don’t know if I would have been able to get to the place where I am today if I was continuing to listen to their music as often as I was. Because it really was kind of, it hit a nerve and it definitely was the way I felt at the time, but it’s not the way I want to feel now.
And I definitely have a much brighter outlook on life, and there’s actually quite a few country music songs. And as you can already kind of see, I have a wide, wide range of music interest. But there’s a lot of songs, and I think it comes out of the shooting that happened in Las Vegas last year. They’re songs of hope, and that, “Hey, most people are good.” And there’s a lot of songs in that and that life is really pretty good. And so those are songs that I’m really kind of drawn to these days. I know Kenny Chesney has a couple of really good songs that I really like, and the messaging in those is completely different.
And so it was just kind of interesting to take inventory and look at the stages that I’ve gone through—from being addicted to early days in recovery, kind of the dark days in recovery, all the way through now. And I guess if you look back in the past—and I don’t know, maybe it’s just my weird memory—but I connect songs with different places in life. For example, I remember a trip to Cedar Point, which is an amusement park here in the United States, actually here in Ohio. It’s one of the best roller coaster parks in the world. There’s a soundtrack that I connect with that. It’s when my sister and I went up there. And there are soundtracks that I connect and songs that I connect with golf and traveling to golf tournaments and all these different ones.
I remember Weezer actually was playing “Island in the Sun” literally as our plane turned, and I could see the island start to appear when we were going to Hawaii my freshman year in college, playing golf. And so I guess my point just being that it’s interesting, and I think we need to kind of look at the music that we’re listening to and evaluate whether it’s good for us and it’s kind of in the direction of where we want to go forward. Because I think we can connect with a song, but it can also kind of hold us into a place longer than we even realize just by kind of constantly playing that song and listening to that song.
So if you’re listening to this, think about your music. Are there certain songs that you really connect with? What’s the messaging in that song? And is that messaging kind of the place you want to be, the place you want to go? Or is it just kind of a place that’s maybe holding you back? So hopefully doing this evaluation of your music might help you to look and say, “Okay, hey, maybe these are songs I don’t need to listen to as much. And maybe these are songs that I should listen to more often.”
And now I just want to transition into kind of a cool resource that we have, again, here in Ohio, right here in Akron—one of our local radio stations, The Summit. You can find it at the summit.fm. But they actually have a specific station that’s “Rock and Recovery,” and you can find that at rockandrecovery.com. And I’ll just read here. It says: “Rock and Recovery mobilizes and supports the recovery community to grow and heal together through the therapeutic power of music, mixed with shared messages of hope and inspiration. Handpicked music and resources provide encouragement for each personal journey.” And so it is kind of just a cool station if you’re looking for something to listen to. It’s all very uplifting messaging that is designed and catered to the recovery community. And like I said, they play kind of inspirational little music. And so it’s really kind of just a cool station if you’re looking for something to listen to.
And I think down the road, I’d like to have them on to talk about what started this. And I think I’ve mentioned before, I mean, Akron, we’re the home of Dr. Bob, who was the founder of AA. So we have a lot of kind of recovery roots here as well, in addition to music. So I just thought this would be kind of an interesting topic for today. Like I said, I really wasn’t struck with the music, and I’ve thought about it before, but we were literally sat there, and they had one presentation at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame where they’re going through all of the kind of history of American Bandstand, which had every major artist come through American Bandstand with Dick Clark. And so it was just interesting, little tidbits of music. And I was like, “Man, oh, that song, that song, that song.” So it was interesting how music can take you back into different places. But also, like I said, make sure that we understand that we’re using it to take us forward to the places that we want to go in the future.
So hopefully, this helps. Let me know if there are some songs that you really like that you kind of connect to, shoot me messages. Also, if you haven’t already, please subscribe to the channel. That way you get updates all the time, subscribe to the podcast. And then also, if you can leave a review—I hadn’t really looked at the reviews recently, but I went on and I was blown away by some of the very kind things everyone has to say on there. And so it’s not so much to stoke my ego, but reviews really help to bring more people in. The more reviews there are, that kind of helps in the algorithm. So if you have a chance to leave a review, I know we’re all busy, but if you have a minute, that would really help me and help others to find the podcast.
And then finally, as always, remember, I am not a doctor. I’m not a lawyer, and I’m not an attorney. I’m getting rid of the canned speech at the end. Just kind of shoot from the hip. But yeah, it’s serious. Gambling disorder is a serious thing. Get the help you need. Reach out for help. Everything here we discuss is for educational purposes, and while I think it can help your life, you really need the help and you deserve the help of a professional. And then finally, music for the show is “Something Elated” by Broke For Free and is licensed through the Creative Commons license.
And as always, my name is Jamie, and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode.