This is episode 46 of the After Gambling Podcast. In this episode, we’ll discuss whether it’s best to remember or to forget.
Hey there, and welcome to the After Gambling Podcast. My name is Jamie. I’m a compulsive gambler, and I’m also the host of this show. The last time I gambled was July 15th of 2010.
Isn’t it best to just forget that my gambling ever happened? Just kind of move on, leave that behind, and not carry that baggage forward?
That’s something that I always see posted on a lot of the Reddit channels and other places, and it’s something that I really want to address because I think it’s one area where a lot of people trip and stub their toe, and where they may relapse.
It’s something that I definitely appreciate. I understand, and like I said, early on, I did not want to go to GA. I definitely didn’t want to go for the rest of my life.
If you’re listening to this and thinking, “Okay, I don’t want to do that,” hey, don’t worry. You don’t have to make that decision for the rest of your life.
If you’re listening to this podcast and thinking about the long-term, just focus on now and let the long-term play its way out.
What I really want to focus on is this idea of, “Is it better to remind yourself about the pain?” Which, if you listen to this podcast, you know I stress, I believe in.
Again, on that topic, I only share things that I know work for me. I know that reminding myself has been undoubtedly one of the best things that’s helped me get to where I am now, almost eight and a half years without gambling.
I wouldn’t have gotten there. I would have relapsed at some point if I had forgotten. I’m 100% certain of that.
There’s no way to go back in time and space travel and figure out if that’s actually true, but I’m confident it is.
I definitely, as you know, believe in the reminder.
First, let’s talk about the advantages of forgetting, because I get it. Of course, there are a ton of advantages to forgetting.
You can just move on. Nobody wants to carry their baggage. I mean, it’s kind of like after you lose weight — you want to get rid of all the pictures where you were heavy, and I think that’s natural.
Anytime we go through a period where it’s not much fun — and in our case, where it’s just flat out miserable and life sucks — life is terrible. There’s no really bright, shiny moment when you’re in the depths of a gambling addiction.
Once we start to decide, “Okay, we’re going to quit this. We’re going to move on,” it makes sense. Draw that line in the sand and never look back.
Kind of say, “Hey, I’m never going to gamble again. I just never want to think about it. Never look back and only look forward to days of clean time.”
Like I said, I understand that. I definitely appreciate that.
Most importantly, if that worked for me, or if I saw that working for anyone else, I would tell you to do it.
I would absolutely. I would love to just kind of say, “Hey, you know what? I’m shutting down the podcast. I’m not going to check in on Reddit. I’m not going to do anything else, and I’m confident I’m going to be good for the rest of my life.”
But like I said earlier, I only talk about things that work for me. I only talk about things that have worked for other people, and now over eight years, I’ve met a lot of people.
And I have yet to see that option of just forgetting working.
In fact, I’ve met so many people who relapsed after three years, five years, 10 years, 15 years, and it’s all because they forgot.
They forgot the pain. They stopped going to GA. They stopped checking in. They just thought, “You know what? I’m good. I want to leave that area of my past.”
And then it comes back.
Like we were talking earlier about the pictures of the past, I think it’s important to keep those around because that’s the reminder that we need.
“Hey, you know what? I feel really good. I don’t want to look like this anymore. I don’t look this way now, but I don’t want to go back there.”
And that’s why, like I say, it works for me.
I look at it as the least expensive insurance policy I can ever pay.
It’s a little bit of my time and effort, obviously, and a little bit of uncomfortableness opening up and sharing with other people.
But that’s my insurance policy. Doing that and kind of paying that bill each week, each month, each year allows me to have 99.9% of my time, money, and everything else free — completely free to do whatever I want with.
So it’s an insurance policy that I’m willing to pay.
And while I understand early on, it’s not something that really makes much sense because you’re not really there yet, just trust me on it.
Trust me that I’ve met enough people.
Reminding yourself works, and not reminding yourself doesn’t work.
And one thing I really want to bring up because I think this highlights the dangers of forgetting is just the fact of how they’re developing new gambling games and new ways you can gamble.
And a lot of these things aren’t new that I’m going to talk about, but they’re shifting what gambling is or our perception of gambling.
There’s a lot of thought going into it, and as a marketer, I completely see and understand it now that I’ve stepped away.
But the shift has really gone — if you look at it and step away — it’s a shift towards skill-based gambling.
So my case was poker. And I mean, you’ve heard me say before, I looked at poker and thought, “This isn’t gambling because I’m betting against other people.”
The house is taking a little cut out of it, which in hindsight was a bigger cut, but it’s really not that substantial profit for them.
But it was something that I looked at differently, and I thought, “Okay, it’s skill.”
But then you get in the door and all of a sudden, you have things like tilt, and maybe your nature isn’t designed to be a gambler.
I don’t know if anybody’s really designed to be a gambler, but maybe you have some of those traits, like competitiveness, that are just a nasty mix with gambling.
And even if it’s something that is skill-based like poker, and then you saw it with fantasy sports — you’re playing against other people again.
It’s not just that you push a button on a slot machine or a roulette wheel, and it’s just chance. No, we feel like we have some kind of knowledge or skill set that’s going to help us win.
And that’s where all these games are becoming skill-based.
Sports betting — it’s not new, but it’s something that if you watch a lot of sports, you believe you have some kind of edge, which sadly is just not true.
Because when you really step back and think about it, there are people making millions of dollars to set the lines and move those lines in order to get you to gamble a certain way.
So, anything you think you know? Somebody else knows way more because it’s their job.
I’ve even seen articles about competitive gaming. Casinos are looking for ways to bring in this gaming wave — this young, millennial crew that’s grown up on computers and tablets and iPhones, and they’re so used to playing all these computer games.
How do we bring them in?
They’re even creating lounges where you just come in and play games against other people or against machines and artificial intelligence.
So, it’s again something where you feel like you have some kind of skill in it, and it’s shifting the narrative or the belief of what gambling is.
But all of these things are dangerous.
If you don’t remind yourself of the pain from one form of gambling, I think it’s really easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “Okay, I know the dangers of this, but now this one’s different.”
For example, just like I knew casino gambling was something I never wanted to get into, but when poker came along, I thought, “Okay, this is different.”
And that’s very dangerous.
It’s much easier to fall into that trap if you forget the pain and the reality that it doesn’t matter the type of game.
Eventually, you’re going to lose because it’s just in your nature.
You don’t quit when you’re ahead. You don’t limit your time or money. All those things that they say for responsible gambling — it’s just not what you do.
It’s not in your DNA.
And so, hopefully, this kind of serves as a warning because it is something that’s been interesting. Most people don’t necessarily go back to the exact same thing.
Whatever their form of gambling was — if they were a slot player, maybe they pick up cards. If they were a card player, maybe they pick up the lottery.
That’s just been one of those observations I’ve picked up on.
But I think it is kind of this, “We forget there was pain in one area, but we don’t see the pain in the others.”
And like I said, it’s just a matter of time.
If you go back to it, it’s just a matter of time before you find the same old habits, the same old things, just in a new format.
I think that’s why it’s really dangerous.
Like I said in the beginning, I would tell you if forgetting would work. I would join you if it would work. But be very, very careful.
If you’re serious about quitting, I think the best thing you can do is at least early on, just commit to reminding yourself for today, and then wake up tomorrow and decide how you want to deal with it again.
But for me, I know that reminding myself has been the best thing for me.
And that’s why reading other people’s stories is the reminder of what it’s like to be on day one, day 10, or just kind of in that cycle if you can’t quit.
That’s my reminder, and I do that through other people selfishly.
So, I’ll just wrap this one up by saying, yes, there are many, many different ways to recover.
But as I said, my promise from day one of this podcast was to share my story and what’s worked for me.
And I have never, never seen forgetting work.
I’m not saying it doesn’t work. I’m not saying there aren’t people that have done it.
But I have never met somebody who says, “You know what? I was a compulsive gambler. Now, I don’t even think about it. I don’t do it, and it’s been forever, and I’ve never gone back.”
So, I compare that with the number of people that I’ve met that have relapsed from doing that same procedure, and that’s why I’m just going to give you the warning.
I’m not telling you what to do. You’re a grown person. You’re going to decide what you want to do.
But I’m just going to say, this is what I’ve seen in eight years.
So, hopefully, this helps because hands down, forgetting is the number one mistake that I’ve seen made that leads to relapse.
That’s all for today.
As always, this is for informational and educational purposes.
I know it’s going to probably help you. I hope it helps you at least, but you need to seek out the help of a professional.
Go get help from a doctor, a therapist, an attorney — whatever your situation is.
Those people will give you professional advice that’s tailored to your needs.
This is a disorder that you need to get help with, so please, please reach out to those people.
Don’t just rely on the information from this podcast or any blog or anything you read online because it is a serious condition.
And finally, music for the show is Something Elated by Broke for Free and is licensed under the Creative Commons license.
Thanks for listening, and be sure to check out the next episode where I have the one, the only, Andy Margit — yes, #MyNameIsAndy — will be joining the After Gambling podcast for the next episode.
So, be sure to check that one out.
That’s all for today.
Thanks for listening, and I will see you in the next episode.
